The first week I spent out of work started with a little self-indulgence and a lot of guilt and feeling like I was worthless. I'd play computer games, screw around online, make plans I knew I likely wouldn't follow through on and drink screwdrivers or rum 'n cokes. I wasn't doing anything productive, and what's worse, I wasn't even enjoying myself. This is when I first started realizing that maybe I wasn't handling the whole unemployment thing as well as I'd hoped.
Near the end of that week, I made a decision. For just a little bit, while I have severance coming, being paid for my time, I resolved to do whatever I wanted, while refusing to feel guilty about it. Indulge just a bit, so I wouldn't have to eat the worst parts of not working and have the best parts ruined. Instead, I'd eat ice cream.
I made this decision shortly after waking up, and decided to do it literally. Walked to the freezer, got out a cookie-dipped drumstick, and had breakfast. Damned if I didn't feel better. All of a sudden, self-loathing was gone.
I'm not a child, I knew then and know now that I can't just style myself as a "gentleman of leisure" and just do whatever the hell I want forever. But dealing with the reality of my new situation involves needing to cope. Guilt wasn't helping at all. Icecream helped a little.
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