Once More, From the Top

Getting my head on straight was harder than I thought it'd be.

When I was called into the office, it was a surprise. I had no idea that it was even a possibility, but when I saw my boss's boss... his very friendly but somehow sad demeanor, almost apologetic, and then the woman from HR, I knew.

The last time I'd been in this situation, I put up a very good, very professional front, but I was devastated inside. Thirty-four years old, a married man, choking back tears. But not this time. The same two people, same office, same reason. I was getting laid off. Not because my performance wasn't exemplary. (It was.) Not because I wasn't well liked or respected for how I did my job. (I was.) I was getting laid off for the second time in six months because three year's senority wasn't enough, and cuts needed to be made. I congratulated myself on how well I was handling it this time. I wasn't upset, just listened and asked appropriate questions and calmly discussed my options, resolving to call once I'd made a decision. The two sympathetic people in the office thanked me again for my astounding professionalism and service, given the circumstances, and I collected my belongings and left.

I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be coming back.

This is where it started, and I don't know where it is going. I write about a situation that a lot of people have found themselves in lately. At a crossroads, trying to figure out "What the hell do I do with my life from here on out?" "How do I keep from feeling worthless?" "Can I really balance the desire to not take another job I'll hate just because it is there against the possibility of becoming unemployable?"

I've been thinking a lot about those questions and others. I'm going to write a little bit about where this is all taking me. It won't be all gloom and doom. It won't be all sunshine and roses, either.

It'll be me, writing even if no one is reading, about a 34 year old man, suddenly unemployed and dealing with it. Maybe writing about it will help me get my head on straight.